you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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