i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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