Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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