chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
