I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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