Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
