I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
