So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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