loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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