The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
