Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
