you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
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