I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
