I wanna bring you to show and tell
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
