you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize