If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
