No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
We talked him into tasing himself.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
