can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
My balls are so social today.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
