look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
