I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
