Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
