what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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