I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
