one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize