he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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