If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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