I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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