i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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