Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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