..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
