Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
