omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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