dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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