your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Just high enough for therapy.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize