just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
