I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
