Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
