Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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