My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
