your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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