chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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