I accidentally had phone sex last night
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
