u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
