just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
