I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
false alarm, still single
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