I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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