He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
