the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
