i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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