i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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