pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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