people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Randomize