i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
