A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
