He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
