I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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