i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
