I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
