I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Say something about gay babies.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize