oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize