If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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