just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize