yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
