No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
