There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
